My Journey, My Struggles, and God’s Grace Through It All
When I found out I was pregnant, there was no doubt in my heart that I wanted to be there for every first word, every wobbly step, every scraped knee. So I made the decision to step away from my career as a nurse, a job I was good at, confident in, and proud of.
What I didn’t expect was how deeply this decision would challenge me.
From Confident Nurse to Unsure Mom
In the hospital, I knew what I was doing. I was organized, trusted, and respected. But at home, with a newborn in my arms and sleep deprivation clouding my mind, I suddenly felt like I had no idea who I was or if I was even doing any of it right.
I had gone from helping patients and making life-altering decisions to questioning whether I was warming the bottle correctly or ruining my baby’s nap schedule.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” – Proverbs 31:25
This verse used to feel so far from me in those early days but it became a promise I clung to. Strength and dignity don’t come from outward roles. They come from God within us.
The Silent Struggle of Dependency
One of the hardest parts for me, if I’m honest, was learning to depend on my husband financially. I’ve always been independent. I worked hard for my nursing license. I had my own paycheck, my own routine, my own sense of value.
And then suddenly… I didn’t.
I wrestled with feeling like I wasn’t contributing. I struggled to accept help. And to be honest I still do at times. But slowly, God began teaching me that value doesn’t only come from income. Sometimes, the greatest contributions are the ones no one sees but Him.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord.” – Colossians 3:23
Changing diapers. Rocking a teething baby. Making meals. Calming tantrums. These things may never earn a paycheck—but they are Kingdom work when done in love.
Feeling Like I Was Failing
I knew how to be a nurse. I didn’t know how to be a mother, not the way I thought I should. And when things didn’t go perfectly (spoiler: they never do), I started to feel like I was failing. The days were long. The crying was constant. And the silence at night was sometimes filled with guilt and self-doubt.
But one night, in one of those quiet moments, I remember praying:
“Lord, I feel like I’m failing her… and failing You.”
And in that stillness, I felt God whisper,
“You’re not failing. You’re learning. And I’m with you in this.”
That reminder changed everything. It didn’t make it easier but it gave me peace in the chaos.
The Blessing I Didn’t Know I Needed
As hard as it was, and still is some days, I look back now and see what a blessing this journey has been. I’ve learned to slow down. To be present. To laugh more and control less. I’ve seen God in the small moments the couch cuddles, the kitchen messes, the bedtime prayers.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” – Psalm 127:3
I’m still learning every day. I’m still growing. But I know this for sure: this decision was the right one. Not because I’m perfect, but because God is faithful.
To the Mom Who’s Wrestling With the Same Choice
If you’re thinking about staying home or you already are and wondering if you made a mistake I just want you to hear this:
You are not failing.
You are not invisible.
You are doing holy work.
And you are not alone.
Even when it feels like everything is falling apart, God is holding you and your child in His hands. And He will never foresake you.
“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor foresake you.” -Hebrews 13:5
I may have traded scrubs for sweatpants, but I haven’t lost myself. I’m becoming someone new. Someone stronger. Someone who loves deeper.
And that… is beautiful.